When I realize you may not come home again, I shut my mind, my heart and my soul to that notion. I won't let that live inside and damage what I have left. I keep thinking of how long it would take you to come back from a trip and I live with that thought, thinking maybe you've taken a little more time this time around. A longer road, some car trouble, some visits along the way back. You're on your way, Right?!?!
It's been 4 years and I'm still waiting...
And waiting...
And waiting...
Are you almost home yet?!?!
I drive home thinking of a pot of beans and catch myself before I turn onto your street to the house that's been sold. I want to call and hear the voice of "Yellow?!" but know that if I tried that number now, that's not the voice I'm going to hear.
So I sit and cry...Waiting, Wanting and Hoping...
Are you on your way yet?!?!
I ask "Why didn't you take me this time?!?!?!" I scream "WHY?!?!" but there's silence and only a hole of misery in my heart, a lump in my throat that won't let me breath. I sit staring through my watered eyes...'Are you almost here yet?!?!' Is this absence what makes the darkness of my soul not want to live, is not having you here where I can rest my head what suffocates my being?
I stay in this world of mine, because I can not face the question of 'Why I haven't seen You?' It's a question that I have to put out of my mind for the fact of the answer would be a question of 'Why can I no longer find myself?'...
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