Onward and Upward

So as I unlock my treasure chest of past, forgotten and fear, I realize letting go slowly makes me stronger and helps me bring closure to those things I've kept buried.
It's like layers upon layers that have just been pushed deep down in my soul to be put away, hoping to be forgotten, hoping to not surface so they'll just go away and not wanting to face fears, abandonment and loss.  It's hard to open this up and go through each memory, each and every hurt or despair and most of all to face the fact that this, this can just NOT live here anymore and take up this space that is making me so sick.  Sick not only mentally and emotionally, but ill physically. Not anymore, layer upon layer must be dealt with, faced, put onto the surface and let go of, Forever.
It hasn't been easy there's been more tears then I can tell you about, but once I started lifting up the layers, I felt lighter and more free.  I shared a layer and getting it out made me see things more clearly and I was able to let go.
It's the start of not using the past to haunt me and taint what I have, it's the beginning of things that can change and have a good balance and peace of mind.  I know that the deeper I go, the more hurt I will endure but I also know that I'm not alone, I can open it with family or friends and let them help me through it.  I found so many things that needed to be let go of and it all started with me just facing my own fears and opening up and seeing how I can really be, bad or good.  I opened up myself and found letting go of the past is only moving me forward and I'm thankful. 
I'm thankful to have someone that even on the darkest days hasn't given up, has pushed me to no end but has been consistent to make me look at what we have today. Today.
Not yesterday, not 17 years ago and not tomorrow, but right now.  So smile and laugh for today, lift a layer every now and then, see it, let it go and move on with a smile, a little laugh and know tomorrow may not get here, so say I Love You today and appreciate the happiness in your voice and the one you hear on the other end.