Everything Starts at the Beginning

It seems stumbling is what I do best.
Everytime I think I have it under control, something erupts and I'm back at the beginning again. It's Hard.
So as I got help and had a hand to hold, I realized stepping back, rethinking and using a phrase to help keep grounded,  is like having a pause button rather then a rewind.
I learned to look inside and smile, to say it and not have to take it back. To let you speak and learn how to listen, trust and be aware of who I am and how I get.  I went inside my head to calm and quiet the voice that so often haunts me and causes chaos and havoc to explode another chapter that hasn't yet been created.  I'm tryin...and that's all that can be asked of right now.
But the beginning, it is a nice place to start.
Sometimes life gives you a "do-Over" at least that's what I believe, an opportunity to make things right: with another, with an event or with ourselves.  When you find the right time, ask for the right thing and have the right tools, all of a sudden life gives you an important moment to let you look from the outside in and let you decide "Do you want this chance? Can you make this right? Do you want to try it again, this time with your all?"  I say Yes! If you believe in something real, truly real, beyond your dreams - say Yes! Take it and give it your all and this time realize with love and acceptance, things may not change but they can be better, because YOU want them to be.  Life gives you ups and downs, the rest is just what you make of it. 
Everything starts at the beginning, and with a beginning there's always an end.  I'd rather use the pause button and keep going before I run out of time, because nothing is guaranteed forever it's just 'for now', relish it.  I've been stopping to think lately at all the events that have taken place in my life in just a matter of weeks, not even counting the last couple of years.  Life is fast and life is for some very short, I don't want to have "should'a, could'a, would'a", I don't want to cry with the "I wish I had done things different, I wish you were still here, I was still here".  So I look at the clock before me and all of a sudden that 'little voice' (the ruler of my domain) is for once...
Silent. 
She finally has nothing, because fear quiets our hearts, minds and thoughts.  Fear, of leaving, of being left, of losing , or being lost never to be found,  fear erases happiness and leaves us with a hole so deep we can fall forever and drown in our own sorrow and tears,  fear the one feeling that can have control over our whole being and it suffocates and never lets go.  Fear, the reason the quiet happens and a time that you can choose to go on. 
I know we can't have yesterday, two weeks, eighteen or even twenty six years back, we can only have right now and hopefully tomorrow. 
Everything starts at the beginning and for once this beginning seems promising, there may be a few pause buttons to be used, but over all maybe this, this right here is my 'do-Over', and if it is I'll take it and say "YES!"