There's a saying about closing the chapter and starting a new one, like in our lives.
But what happens when that chapter seems to start and duplicate itself, when do we get tired of reading it? When do we get tired of the repetition this book now has? When do we decide no matter how we "wanted" it to end, we have to face the true hard fact that it's just Not.
I think I've come to a real hard truth that not only does that chapter have to end, it's time for that book just to be closed, put back on it's shelf and a new one to be open, begun and enjoyed.
It's hard...Goodbyes are Always hard, if it was easy we'd end every farewell with a "Hey, See Ya Later" and a good ol' hand shake.
If you're like me you have to have the no regrets, no "what ifs", no reasons to turn around or take any steps back. Now every once in a while you do stumble, like me, we're all human. We have that one or two that we will continue to try and 'rewrite', we always want the ending to be different "this time". We try to change ourselves, because well apparently we're the problem. Unfortunately, sometimes no matter how hard we try, that chapter can't be rewritten, WE can not be rewritten, we are Who we are. Time allows us only so much, to spend it, to throw it away or to value it. I'd like to start valuing it, along with valuing myself.
It gets hard to know who you really are when you've lost yourself to someone else's reality, dreams or wants. You get so caught up in trying SO hard to make yourself something you really are not. No matter how many times you want some of the past in your present, you have to face the fact and realize it's there for a reason. To be put behind you so that you can finally shed the weight of it and move on.
You know what it's like to be tied to a tether? To only be able to go so far? You're tied to it and you keep going in the same circles, you keep going backwards, it holds you from ever getting ahead or being able to just move forward. The past and trying to write Love, is a lot like that. No matter how hard you try you may never be able to get ahead, you may not be able to get past the tether, you may never be able to be truly Free.
There are times, very few and unique, where you don't give up and you keep fighting for that one chapter to come up that will ' Save' you. The ending turns out different, the prince rescues the princess and they ride off into the kingdom where they live happily ever after. Do you want to know the secret of how that changed, how it happened, how the chapter was actually exciting and different this time around? Both people were - wait for it...wait for it...
Still "IN LOVE" and they Both wanted the same thing ~ To MAKE it Work!
No matter the risks, no matter the struggles, no matter the time, the effort or the work that was going to have to be put in it - they both wanted IT!
You see nothing can be one sided, it doesn't work that way. If only one person wants it, you can't 'Make' the other person want it as well. Love is such a silly creature, there's two faces to his story. I've loved and I'll never let go, but to be 'In Love', that's the true heartache.
No matter how hard this book has been, the chapters never change, because the truth is only one of us is still 'In Love' and wanting, while the other has settled to be comfortable with a wall. A wall that has been admitted to only Loving with what they have now, but they will never be able to love like they did long ago, that has past. Bingo - Reality Clue in sight. That Love has "PAST". It's the very first time that I was actually hit with a punch in the face of truth, no matter how hard I try the fact of the matter is I will be the only one. There is no combined effort to bring forward the love we once had, yours has left, while mine was still baring hope. I've come to find that if I want MY happily ever after, I can't keep holding myself back from finding it. There should never be a limit on Love, it should be unconditional, accepting and without walls.
So sometimes, we just have to close the book, put it away and open a brand new one. You never know what you'll find, but I guarantee it won't be repeated chapters of heartache. You'll actually pick up a new book that has wonderful chapters in store for you.
The first chapter starting like this...
As I opened the book and started reading, I was so inspired by what I found. An individual so strong, full of life, not afraid, her laugh made smiles to all she touched. It's exactly where I found..."ME".
09/2013
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Monday, January 6, 2014
Finding Inspiration
There comes a time where all you want to do is get away, escape this life and start a new one, close the chapter, walk out the door, get on the ledge and just...
Let go ~ and Fly.
Sometimes no matter how hard you try you can't forget the past, run away from it or pretend all the wrongs didn't happen. You can only keep moving forward, admit your mistakes and realize you only have the Happy you make, not someone else.
What makes you happy? That's a million dollar question, loaded with possibilities, all the right with a little wrong and a question only you can truly answer from inside. You can always be given a smile on the outside, but it's the one on the inside that will never be forgotten.
Though the past can sometimes haunt you, it's not always the nightmares that we avoid, it's the things that make us hold on that we can't shake. It's the tenderness that only a certain person can give, the way they remember how to kiss you, touch the side of your face, lift your chin, hold your hair at the back of your neck, how when they hug you they don't want to let you go, the warmth of their body next to yours, the only person that kisses you on the forehead and tells you how much they will always Love You with their eyes. The eyes that look deep inside you without letting go, they don't look away and when you say your goodbyes it's the one thing that you never take for granted because the past you have, has taught you one thing...
That goodbye could actually be just that for awhile.
There's always One, just One that makes the whole world stop when you're with them. That one is usually the "Bad" one, the one who lives up to the reputation of everything naughty and nothing really nice, the one that is the true meaning of "heart breaker", that One that will forever be embedded in your heart. Somehow we forget one little thing -- if we weren't as special to them as they are to us -- they wouldn't be coming back either. How do we wind up in the same place? We say, well it didn't work and it was what it was, but yet here we both are still with Love, Unconditional acceptance and still finding each other.
There has to be something...something that still holds us together.
When I'm down, you have a way of picking me up, when I'm lonely you'll hug me and hold me, when I'm scarred you'll kiss my forehead and tell me everything will be ok and when I need someone to Love me, make me feel like I'm the only gal that exists, you put me on top of the world. I call you and you kiss me like I'm the only one for you - you have a way of making me feel desirable, sexy and priceless. Somehow ONLY You can do that to me, there's never been another that can make feel exactly the way you do.
We go through the world finding laughs, smiles, sadness, tears and always hoping there will be someone to fill that void so we don't step backwards. But, it doesn't always happen that way, sometimes we do step back and for all the Right reasons. It's those times that the "Bad" boy I tried to stay away from wins because he makes me find inspiration, he makes me remember who I am, how I CAN feel, what it means to Love, to Want and to be Desired. He makes me remember that happiness doesn't have to be searched out, it's actually right there when you're with the right person who knows how to bring it out of you. It's those times that the "Bad" boy is really the Right guy just seen in a different light, I won't let your secret out of the bag. For the last 8 years it's been the same ol' thing, but the one thing that has kept my heart warm, my hopes up and inside knowing I can be treated better then I currently am is that whenever I need you, you're here and you always bring me back to finding inspiration within myself, in our Love and pushing me to never give up with or without you. But deep inside I know we'll be together for the rest of our lives, what would inspiration be if we didn't truly have someone that inspired us in the first place.
09/2013
Let go ~ and Fly.
Sometimes no matter how hard you try you can't forget the past, run away from it or pretend all the wrongs didn't happen. You can only keep moving forward, admit your mistakes and realize you only have the Happy you make, not someone else.
What makes you happy? That's a million dollar question, loaded with possibilities, all the right with a little wrong and a question only you can truly answer from inside. You can always be given a smile on the outside, but it's the one on the inside that will never be forgotten.
Though the past can sometimes haunt you, it's not always the nightmares that we avoid, it's the things that make us hold on that we can't shake. It's the tenderness that only a certain person can give, the way they remember how to kiss you, touch the side of your face, lift your chin, hold your hair at the back of your neck, how when they hug you they don't want to let you go, the warmth of their body next to yours, the only person that kisses you on the forehead and tells you how much they will always Love You with their eyes. The eyes that look deep inside you without letting go, they don't look away and when you say your goodbyes it's the one thing that you never take for granted because the past you have, has taught you one thing...
That goodbye could actually be just that for awhile.
There's always One, just One that makes the whole world stop when you're with them. That one is usually the "Bad" one, the one who lives up to the reputation of everything naughty and nothing really nice, the one that is the true meaning of "heart breaker", that One that will forever be embedded in your heart. Somehow we forget one little thing -- if we weren't as special to them as they are to us -- they wouldn't be coming back either. How do we wind up in the same place? We say, well it didn't work and it was what it was, but yet here we both are still with Love, Unconditional acceptance and still finding each other.
There has to be something...something that still holds us together.
When I'm down, you have a way of picking me up, when I'm lonely you'll hug me and hold me, when I'm scarred you'll kiss my forehead and tell me everything will be ok and when I need someone to Love me, make me feel like I'm the only gal that exists, you put me on top of the world. I call you and you kiss me like I'm the only one for you - you have a way of making me feel desirable, sexy and priceless. Somehow ONLY You can do that to me, there's never been another that can make feel exactly the way you do.
We go through the world finding laughs, smiles, sadness, tears and always hoping there will be someone to fill that void so we don't step backwards. But, it doesn't always happen that way, sometimes we do step back and for all the Right reasons. It's those times that the "Bad" boy I tried to stay away from wins because he makes me find inspiration, he makes me remember who I am, how I CAN feel, what it means to Love, to Want and to be Desired. He makes me remember that happiness doesn't have to be searched out, it's actually right there when you're with the right person who knows how to bring it out of you. It's those times that the "Bad" boy is really the Right guy just seen in a different light, I won't let your secret out of the bag. For the last 8 years it's been the same ol' thing, but the one thing that has kept my heart warm, my hopes up and inside knowing I can be treated better then I currently am is that whenever I need you, you're here and you always bring me back to finding inspiration within myself, in our Love and pushing me to never give up with or without you. But deep inside I know we'll be together for the rest of our lives, what would inspiration be if we didn't truly have someone that inspired us in the first place.
09/2013
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