Our Books...

There's a saying about closing the chapter and starting a new one, like in our lives.
But what happens when that chapter seems to start and duplicate itself, when do we get tired of reading it?  When do we get tired of the repetition this book now has?  When do we decide no matter how we "wanted" it to end, we have to face the true hard fact that it's just Not.
I think I've come to a real hard truth that not only does that chapter have to end, it's time for that book just to be closed, put back on it's shelf and a new one to be open, begun and enjoyed.
It's hard...Goodbyes are Always hard, if it was easy we'd end every farewell with a "Hey, See Ya Later" and a good ol' hand shake.  
If you're like me you have to have the no regrets, no "what ifs", no reasons to turn around or take any steps back.  Now every once in a while you do stumble, like me, we're all human.  We have that one or two that we will continue to try and 'rewrite', we always want the ending to be different "this time".  We try to change ourselves, because well apparently we're the problem. Unfortunately, sometimes no matter how hard we try, that chapter can't be rewritten, WE can not be rewritten, we are Who we are. Time allows us only so much, to spend it, to throw it away or to value it.  I'd like to start valuing it, along with valuing myself.
It gets hard to know who you really are when you've lost yourself to someone else's reality, dreams or wants.  You get so caught up in trying SO hard to make yourself something you really are not. No matter how many times you want some of the past in your present, you have to face the fact and realize it's there for a reason.  To be put behind you so that you can finally shed the weight of it and move on.  
You know what it's like to be tied to a tether? To only be able to go so far? You're tied to it and you keep going in the same circles, you keep going backwards, it holds you from ever getting ahead or being able to just move forward.  The past and trying to write Love, is a lot like that.  No matter how hard you try you may never be able to get ahead, you may not be able to get past the tether, you may never be able to be truly Free.
There are times, very few and unique, where you don't give up and you keep fighting for that one chapter to come up that will ' Save' you.  The ending turns out different, the prince rescues the princess and they ride off into the kingdom where they live happily ever after.  Do you want to know the secret of how that changed, how it happened, how the chapter was actually exciting and different this time around?  Both people were - wait for it...wait for it...
Still "IN LOVE" and they Both wanted the same thing ~ To MAKE it Work!
No matter the risks, no matter the struggles, no matter the time, the effort or the work that was going to have to be put in it - they both wanted IT!
You see nothing can be one sided, it doesn't work that way.  If only one person wants it, you can't 'Make' the other person want it as well.  Love is such a silly creature, there's two faces to his story.  I've loved and I'll never let go, but to be 'In Love', that's the true heartache.
No matter how hard this book has been, the chapters never change, because the truth is only one of us is still 'In Love' and wanting, while the other has settled to be comfortable with a wall.  A wall that has been admitted to only Loving with what they have now, but they will never be able to love like they did long ago, that has past.  Bingo - Reality Clue in sight.  That Love has "PAST".  It's the very first time that I was actually hit with a punch in the face of truth, no matter how hard I try the fact of the matter is I will be the only one.  There is no combined effort to bring forward the love we once had, yours has left, while mine was still baring hope.  I've come to find that if I want MY happily ever after, I can't keep holding myself back from finding it.  There should never be a limit on Love, it should be unconditional, accepting and without walls.
So sometimes, we just have to close the book, put it away and open a brand new one.  You never know what you'll find, but I guarantee it won't be repeated chapters of heartache.  You'll actually pick up a new book that has wonderful chapters in store for you.
The first chapter starting like this...
As I opened the book and started reading, I was so inspired by what I found.  An individual so strong, full of life, not afraid, her laugh made smiles to all she touched.  It's exactly where I found..."ME". 
09/2013