Jumping the Gun

I'm a gun slinger, I admit it. I'm the first one to draw, hand on the holster ready to fire, guns a blazing - at what... Who cares.  Fast draw McGraw!
The aftermath is what kills me.  Doom is my fate.
Does your hand always have to be on the holster? Can't it just rest by your side? Can't it just have a moment to look around and assess the situation?  Why does there always have to be the shoot out, the blood shed?
Story of my life.
In the beginning it was not like this, it was patient and kind and every word was valued and taken, then the lies started and the wall was built, the holster was tightened and the guns were ready.  Meet me at noon outside the town square, I was ready and I wasn't going to miss.
The past --- was made.  Held on to for reference, and the replay button began to continue all my life.  Not wrong, it happened through bad decisions and the guns were always ready, every chamber always filled, there was no Russian Roulette here.
I made sure I was able to make every shot, I would not be wrong again.
Over time this became life, to survive love without losing myself, and being able to hold on to my soul.  But I was still broken.
When you hold the gun...do you concentrate on aim or do you just aimlessly fire?
I admit, I aimlessly fire.  I take full blame.
I hear and assume and reach into my holster, draw and fire.  Simple...for me.
I've never had anyone dodge my bullet, be shot, get back up and start to walk toward me, THIS is new.  THIS is NOT how this happens.
But then again, I'm always jumping the gun so why am I surprised when my speculation is totally off and I come to find out there were no bullets in my gun after all, they were blanks.  You came to me with a full heart.
No lies, no facetious ways, no deception, no under minding, just you, an honest and loyal you.  You asked me to believe in you, to trust you and to realize that love was such a thing, you asked me to take a chance and to believe.
What?!  What am I hearing?!
And then you showed me...
Love
Honesty
Loyalty
Trust
Partnership
You showed me a world I am not used to living in and you told me to put the guns down, not in the holster, down, down on the ground and kick them forward.
I'm hesitant...
You've come behind me, put your arms around my waist, placed your hand over mine as my hand is on the gun, finger on the trigger and you've whispered in my ear "Baby, it's OK, I'm not going to hurt you, I Love You and I Want YOU."
I hesitate with the holster, still not ready to unbuckle, but you patiently wait and tell me you will be there to help me as long as I'm willing and ready to put the guns on the floor and kick them over, you will put them in safe keeping, for I should never need to use them with you.  You have guns of your own and you will use them to protect us, our love and what we are building - that's the only time the guns will be needed.
Not against each other, not in this circle ---
I hesitate as my finger slowly releases from the trigger, still palm on handle ready to jump the gun...
but this time...I look at you and somehow everything slows.
I need to breath, take a step back, look at my aim and realize the consequences.
I don't want to lose this, YOU! what we are trying to build.
I want this...
Hand steady...I look at you and you come around and hold me, always reminding me it's ok to let go, your hand always over mine, calming me and whispering in my ear  "Baby, it's ok, I'm here, you're Ok, I got this, I will take care of you".
My hand slowly lowers off the holster and into yours...
#mycameraguy